Thursday, April 6, 2017

A Response Letter To The Girl Sleeping With My Boyfriend


Last week, I came across an article by Cosmopolitan titled, "I am the girl sleeping with your boyfriend" on Snapchat. Now, a Cosmo article (and Snapchat articles..) being problematic is nothing new. However, it seems as if the main point of this article is to humanize, and sympathize with, the "other woman". The woman that wrote this article is condescending, lacking in guilt, and mean. Of course, there are many problems with this article. Although I read it over a week ago, it has stuck with me and I want to share my thoughts. Therefore, I give you my response letter to the girl sleeping with my boyfriend.

The anonymous author starts out by saying-


"It’s 11:03pm and I’m texting your boyfriend. Well, not necessarily YOU, the person reading this, but someone like you. A girl who has no idea the guy she loves is currently telling me what he wants to do to me."

Now, if that first paragraph doesn't make your stomach drop, I don't know what will.  The idea that there is a woman out there that you don't even know about, that is talking to your boyfriend, is beyond horrifying. It sounds like something that would only exist in nightmares but unfortunately, people cheat on their significant others every day. "But Mallory, texting isn't cheating!" Let me explain- and this is my personal opinion- if you're having to hide, sneak, or delete texts, you're doing something wrong. If you're talking to a girl behind your girl's back, that's sketchy. And if you're having any sort of emotional, sexual, or deep connections- you're cheating. If you have a friendship with a girl of the opposite sex and you are texting her things you don't want your girlfriend to know, you need to take a step back. You might not be doing anything physical, but emotional infidelity is just as toxic as physical infidelity (maybe even worse).

"I’m not a whore, although you might want to call me one. I’m not even a b**** - I’m actually a pretty nice person. I have friends and family who love me, and I don’t fit the ‘other woman’ stereotype."


Look. She might not be a whore, or any other bad name you can think of. Name calling is for toddlers. What she is is a woman who is lacking in conscience. She is a woman that doesn't know her boundaries. She is a woman that doesn't care if she gets in the middle of somebody else's relationship, and that is a problem. It doesn't matter if she doesn't fit the "other woman stereotype", she is the other woman regardless. This paragraph's purpose is probably to make us realize that she could be a good person. She's "pretty nice!" But nice women don't talk to guys that have girlfriends. Nice women respect other women.

"There’s a definite ego boost to having a guy like you enough to cheat on his girlfriend. That must mean I’m pretty right?"

I may have just thrown up in my mouth. The logic of this woman is full with fallacies. The first error in thinking is that physical attractiveness is the main reason for cheating. This mindset can be toxic to women that lack in self-confidence, or struggle with insecurity. There will always be pretty girls, but that doesn't mean your boyfriend wants to make out with her. Plus, it doesn't matter what she looks like, if your boyfriend wants to cheat, he's going to cheat. If he has made up his mind to cheat on you, it doesn't matter how attractive you, or she, is- he's going to cheat.

"What never ceases to surprise me is how many guys ARE so willing to cheat. These aren’t ‘players’ that I go for... They’re just normal men who love their girlfriends but, for some reason, take only the tiniest of pushes to enter the realm of infidelity."


This is undoubtedly the paragraph that made me the most angry. Let me get one thing straight- if a man loves you, he will not cheat on you. If a man loves you, he will not cheat on you. If a man loves you, he will not cheat on you.  Although it may have been the woman that pushed him to cheat, it was his decision, and his decision alone. You can spend all your time hating the "other woman" and how she destroyed your flawless relationship but hear me when I say this- if it wasn't her, it would have been someone else. If your man is not 100% committed to you, that is his fault. Not the other woman's. Men (and women) will be faced with temptations every day- it's up to them what to do with it. And if you're in a relationship where a guy is cheating on you or treating you like you are disposable- leave him. He should be held responsible for his actions, and you should have enough respect for yourself to walk away. It doesn't matter if he says he loves you. It doesn't matter if he was drunk. It doesn't matter if she seduced him. A man that loves you will not cheat on you. If he does, let him go. You are not losing much.

"Then again, maybe it’s simple; maybe humans just aren’t made to be monogamous. At least that’s what Eamon*, the American pilot I met in a South American hostel, told his girlfriend over FaceTime... just before he asked her if he could sleep with me. Spoiler alert: she said no. Double Spoiler alert: we did it anyway."


So now, humans aren't even made to be monogamous? False. People may think that cheating is exhilarating. People may think one night stands are the "college thing to do." People may think they don't want to settle down because they could be missing out on so much. But let me tell you, the happiness I have experienced going through life with one human is unexplainable. You may think that being with multiple people is "cool", but trust me, you will meet someone one day that makes you wish you hadn't even held hands with somebody else before. The idea that human's aren't made to be monogamous is such a 21st century idea. The whole example of the pilot she slept with against his girlfriend's will just goes to show how much sympathy she lacks for the woman he's in a relationship with. You might read this to yourself and become paranoid that this type of girl will come along and steal your boyfriend too, but no one can steal your boyfriend if he doesn't want to leave. Not even the hottest girl in the world can take or "steal" your boyfriend from you. He isn't a handbag, he's a living human being with his own brain. He can't be stolen from you, but he can choose to walk away. And if he does, let him walk. Faithful men still exist in this world, and they are worth your wait. Trust me.

"What I want to make clear, is that I'm not sitting here cackling evilly and trying to break you up - I just seem to be missing the part of my body that should feel empathy for you....You aren't real to me. I haven't met you. I don't know you. And somehow that lets me do this."

Let this be a message to all females- if a guy has a girlfriend, it doesn't matter or not if you know her, you should respect her. Same goes to males- you should respect other's relationships. There are 7 billion people in the world, and you want to get in the middle of someone's relationship? She states that she isn't trying to break you up, but there aren't many more solutions to this problem. Respect other people's relationships. What's yours is yours, and what's their's is their's.

"The reality of being the sidechick is that as exciting and as flattering as it may be at first, the realisation that I will always be second best eventually takes the shine off, and things inevitably fizzle out. Then it’s on to the next shiny new already-someone’s-boyfriend, and so the vicious cycle continues. Until I find my happily ever after, of course."

Upon reading this article, I had hoped it would have some sort of repentant ending, but I guess I shouldn't expect any less than someone that seduces someone else's boyfriend. This post was written by an anonymous author so I don't know your name but girlfriend, listen to me. You will never find your happily ever after if you're looking at men that have already found theirs. If a man is committed to a woman, you should never come in between that. You don't have to always be second best. You can be with someone that puts you first. You can be with someone faithful. You can have so much better than what you're experiencing. But you'll never find that if you keep looking for it in other people's relationships.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Why I Don't Want To Date Anyone In 2017



This is the story of how my parents met.

They went to the same high school and my dad told my mom's best friend that he wanted to go out with her. After a while, he called her house phone and (after asking her father who picked up the phone to speak with her) asked her to go on a date with him. She's told me the story of how she had to drive by guys houses in high school to see if they were home (and how one time her best friend laid on the horn and ducked so it seemed like my mom was honking.) Eventually, he asked my mom to "go steady" with him and gave her his class ring. He would come and pick her up for dates, call her on the landline, and do homework together at nights. They got out of high school, went to the same college in the city they grew up in, and got married.

____________________________________________________________

My parent's love story is my favorite because, well, they're my parents. But you might wonder why I told you their story.

I told you their story for sake of example, to show the vast contrast in relationships between the decades.

Relationships now are not like they were back then. 

We don't date anymore.

We don't live in the world of romance- we live in the world of technology.

We snapchat.

And use Tinder. 

And "Like".

And message.

And text.

And comment.

And Facebook.

And screenshot.

Instead of seeing someone and finding interest in them enough to ask them out, now we've resorted to social media to get someone's attention. 

How many times have you heard this?

"This guy in my class is so cute, I'm going to stalk him on social media and see what he's like."

Or how about this?

"Oh they broke up, they haven't posted an insta together in 4 weeks."

Or

"Omg I have the screenshots of what he said, let me send them to you. Help me figure out what to say back!"

Or even

"I thought he was cool but then I looked at his Facebook and he's like, really weird."

Instead of learning someone and their personality, we're learning to judge someone by what they choose to put on a social media profile.

Instead of keeping the relationship between the 2 members involved, suddenly all 2,000 of your facebook friends know what he got you for your 2 month anniversary. 

The problem with social media in dating is that it is teaching us that technology belongs inside of a relationship.

Are you really dating if you aren't Facebook official?

Did you really celebrate Valentines if you didn't post a picture on instagram?

Does he really love you if he doesn't post long captions about you like he did with his ex?

I'm no stranger to voicing my opinions on the toxicity of social media (http://mallorybeale.blogspot.com/2015/11/my-thoughts-on-social-media.html, http://mallorybeale.blogspot.com/2016/05/the-other-dayi-was-mindlessly-scrolling.html) but when it comes to dating, social media takes on a life of it's own.

Our relationships in 2017 are one foot in and one foot out the door, at all times.

We're never really, truly committed. 

We're always seeing other people's pictures -

People happier in their relationships with longer, sweeter captions.

That ex we can't seem to get over on Spring Break in his bathing suit. 

Or

That hot girl from your math class that asks you about homework.

The problem is that we can never truly be happy in our relationship, because we're always looking at something better.

Everyday, we're being taught the throw away mentality.

Who cares if you break up with your significant other when you can open instagram and see hundreds of girls in your city that are single?



The problem is that we have the entire world at our fingertips. 

Sure, you're happy in your relationship, but did you see how good Jennifer Aniston looked at the Oscars?

You might be happy with your girlfriend, but your fraternity brothers seem so much happier in their pictures, so maybe you should just end it?

One quote I love is from a couple that was married for over 65 years. 

Upon asked how they managed to stay together for so long, they responded,

"We were born in a time when if something was broken, we would fix it- not throw it away."



Social media has ruined this mentality for our generation.

What we've learned is that we have millions of people available at our fingertips.

What we have now is boyfriends watching pornography after their girlfriends leave their apartment.

What we have now is a girlfriend following the guy from her accounting class on insta because he has abs.

What we have now is a boyfriend scrolling through instagram and seeing any girl he wants in a bikini, and liking the pictures while his girlfriend is sitting beside him on the couch.

Instead of Drive-In Movie Theatres, we have Netflix and chill.

Instead of written notes, we have heart emojis.

Instead of phone calls, we have texts.

Instead of asking someone out, we swipe right.

Instead of learning about someone's interest, we read their Twitter bio.

So you may say to yourself: 

Mallory, you're over-reacting! I don't care if my boyfriend follows girls on instagram and likes their bikini pictures. My boyfriend doesn't care that I text my ex! We're in a good relationship!

Now, everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and this is mine.

If someone had handed my dad a book in high school of all the girls he went to school with, with a edited photo of them and 5 different filters, I don't know if he would have pursued my mom.

If my mom had a book of every guy she went to college with and their interests, I don't know if she would have stayed with my dad.

Now this might be taking it too far, I don't know. 

But I do know this- I don't want to date anyone in 2017.

(Hey Mallory, I thought you had a boyfriend! What happened to that?")

Yes, I do have a boyfriend. 

We have been together nearly 2 and a half years now.

But what we have is so much more than "dating".

We are actively

Pursuing one another. 

Courting one another.

Fighting over stupid little things.

Having our phones off at the dinner table.

But regardless, we are actively loving each other.

To minimize all of our feelings into this cliche phrase "dating" is demeaning to all the feelings that we have for one another, and all the work it takes to keep our relationship afloat.

I don't want to "date" my boyfriend.

I want to do so much more.

Friday, February 3, 2017

feelings of inadequacy


d i s c l a i m e r :
as you can tell by the title of this post, this wont be one of my positive, uplifting messages. i just want to share with you where i'm at. i usually spend a lot of time on my blogs.. brainstorming, writing, revising, posting.. but today i just kind of want to talk to you. is that okay? i don't ever want people that read my blog to get the impression that i have my life together seamlessly. in fact, it seems more than not, i tend to be stressing about my life. of course i don't usually post things like this because they are, for a lack of a better word, depressing! as a christian blogger, i try my hardest to bring all of my points and posts full circle with an uplifting message. but daily life isn't always so glamorous. i'm not posting this for sympathy. rather, i want to show you that i don't have it all together like it might seem over the internet. so here goes..

w h a t ' s  t h e   p o i n t ? 
do you ever just feel like what you're doing is kind of.. blah? that's how i'm feeling. i can't quite pinpoint the exact feeling - it isn't depression, or loneliness, or lack of motivation. the best way i can describe it is inadequacy.

in·ad·e·quate (adjective)
lacking the quality or quantity required; insufficient for a purpose.

lately i just can't find the purpose for the things that i'm doing. every day tasks that i work for - what's the point? whether it be working out, school work, hobbies.. i feel like i'm going through the motions. even with a task as simple as blogging! at times i feel like blogging is my sole purpose in my life - and it's at these times that these feelings are so over whelming and amazing that i can't imagine a time where i won't feel them. and then the next day.. i check facebook to see that almost everyone nowadays is trying to be a blogger. for some reason, it's become the newest fad. to be frank, this can become irritating to someone who has been blogging for 4+ years. it can be even more frustrating when i see new bloggers making it to the top.. becoming viral.. getting their results. like i said, this rings true with almost aspect of my life at the moment. (is it a shock to see the difference in this post, in comparison to my positive posts? welp, that's a reality check for you!) please don't take my words the wrong way - i am in a good place in my life. i am not complaining. i am grateful for all of the resources that i have. i know that my life is full at the brim of opportunities, compared to others. what i'm saying is that sometimes life can be overwhelming. and that sometimes, life doesn't give you an immediate answer. 

the weirdest part of it all is that i know it is all going to end up okay. like i clarified, i'm not sad. or mad. or any of those negative feelings. i've written a real post like this before about waiting for God to show me the path of life. throughout all of this, i know more than i know anything that God will show me, when the time is right, the path for me to take. i know that all of these things i'm working towards will pay off in the end. it's just the mundane reality that working every day towards goals doesn't bring immediate satisfaction.

isn't that what we're all about nowadays? immediate satisfaction? isn't that what we all crave now? fast food, social media, etc all bring us very quick results, which we thrive off of. but what happens when you've been working towards something every day, praying for it, sacrificing for it, making time for it, and you don't see the affects? i guess that's when faith really kicks in. although i am in a season of waiting in my life, i know that i can't stop working hard now. we never know when we're on the edge of a breakthrough. it reminds me of a little picture i saw a long time ago. it's one of those random things you see once but really, really sticks with you and you remember years later. i guess what i'm saying is that yes, i want to be honest with you and tell you that i'm struggling with finding the purpose for the things that i do. but i do not doubt that they are there. i know they are there. i know the Lord has great plans for each of His faithful servants. the Lord will reveal His plan for me when the timing is right. until then.. i will wait.


- mallory beale




Wednesday, January 25, 2017

I'm sick of being told "It's ok" that I sin / My problem with wearing x's on your hands to Church


Recently, I feel as if all I see is that bloggers (mainly Christian blogs) are putting out the same message - 

It's ok that you sin.

I came across a specific article the other day that really struck me as odd. 

I will not cite this article because I do not want to attack this certain author, and furthermore, I will not single out a person who was trying to share God's word.

The article went a little something like this - 

The author overheard a group of girls talking about a classmate that hooked up with a stranger and then went to church the next day, with x's still on her hands. She makes the point that you can do bad things on Saturday, and still be met by Jesus' love on Sunday. She tells us to come as we are to church, because God loves us anyways.

And I see people sharing it left and right on Facebook.

"So true!!"

"We are all sinners in need of a savior"

"We are no better than anyone else because we all fail daily!"

These comments are all very, very true.

I'm not disagreeing that God's love covers all our sins -

But does that mean we should never turn away from them?

No.

I am sure that this author, and every other blogger that has written on this, has good intentions.

And I get it. I really do understand what they are trying to convey. 

They are trying to tell us that we are never too far from God's grace.

And hallelujah for that!

But when did we, as a culture, become so obsessed with making ourselves feel better when we should be taking responsibility for our actions?

When did sermons become classified as "good" when we leave feeling better about ourselves?

When did sermons become about us?

When did Christianity become about us?

Of course God will forgive you no matter your sin, but that doesn't mean we should sin in the meantime, knowing we already have his forgiveness.

Excessive drinking, having premarital sex, posting provocative pictures, drugs, cussing, etc.

These are the things that people are starting to welcome in the church.

Hear me say this - 

The church should not be welcoming any sin into the church. They should be welcoming the sinner.

Can I be honest with you? I'm in college and I have gone out on Saturday nights.

I've been both on both sides. 

Before I came to college, I had never drank any alcohol. But once I got to college, I got sucked into it for a bit. 

Call me old fashioned, but I don't think it's respectful to wear your x's to church.

I'm not saying you can't go to church after you feel convicted for your actions.

But if you are wearing them like a badge of honor to show that you are a sinner in need of a Savior, then you're missing the point.

You are entering God's holy place. 

Yes absolutely God knows what you have done even if you don't wash them off.

But let me tell you something -

My relationship wasn't as strong when I was dwelling in sin.

Now that might be hard to hear.

And I'm not speaking for anyone else. 

I am speaking for myself, and telling you about my relationship with the Lord.

(Notice I didn't say my relationship with Jesus vanished.)

It is nearly impossible to set a good example and do work for the Kingdom of the Lord while you are partaking in sinful activities.

You can be a Christian and drink, or have sex, or insert whatever sin you struggle with, and still know Jesus.

And I'm not saying that having a glass of wine is wrong or that all people that drink are bad.

Having a little bit of alcohol isn't necessarily bad.

However, drinking to get drunk is.

Your body is a temple from God himself, and you should honor that.

What I'm saying is that it's a sin, just like many other things, but we need to stop acting like it isn't.

Let me break it down for you.

So I may not have kids, but I can compare it to the next best thing - dogs.

I have a dog of my own. My dog's name is Scrappy. I love Scrappy more than words can describe. But sometimes, Scrappy steals my socks. (Yes, I am equating dogs to Christians and socks to sin. Stick with me.)  Although I do not want Scrappy to steal my socks, I still love him.  No matter how many times Scrappy steals my socks, I love him all the same because he is my dog and nothing can change that.

My point is this - 

Jesus loves us more than words can describe. And yes, sometimes, we might start to dwell in our sin. Although God does not want us to sin, He still loves us. No matter how many times we stray from him, He loves us all the same because we are His children and nothing can change that.

However, what most articles are missing, is that we should not take advantage of the grace God has shown us.

God loves us indefinitely - that is not the question.

The question is what we will do with this life God has given us.

I've written a post before about being a Christian and acting like one and I still hold true to my opinions.

One of the final paragraphs of the article from the girl that I read said :

"Last week was a bad week for me where I struggled with sin– but my butt was in the church pew the following Sunday. Because I know I serve a God who sees my imperfections and doesn’t ask me what I did. He already knows what I did. He does not ask girls to wash their Xs off. He says come as you are."

But actually, the Scripture never says come as you are. 

And, in fact, God will ask you what you did on earth. 

Romans 14:11-14

"It is written:‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bow before me; every tongue will acknowledge God.’

So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God. 

Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. 

Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. 

I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. 

But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean."

What these verses tell us is this -

We will give an account of our lives to God one day and tell him what we did.

He tells us not to judge others,

but He also tells us to keep sin out of the people's lives around us.

If we keep acting like sins aren't sins, then we aren't doing what God tells us to do.

Galatians 5:19-21 says

"Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God."

Wow.

That might be a hard pill to swallow.

And that might be because we've stopped preaching the whole Gospel.

We've started preaching the parts of the Gospel that are comfortable to us, and letting go of the rest.

We're forgetting that God is wrathful. 

We forget the importance of repentance.

We're forgetting that God is jealous for us. 

For our hearts.

What my goal in is writing this, is to be the friend, not that you want, but that you need.

You may want a friend that can make you laugh and go out with you and gossip with you,

but you need a friend that will hold you accountable and talk about the hard things with you.

And I'm that friend.

I read an article that explained this perfectly. It said :

"God’s word means nothing to many people. 

I am in no way saying that the church shouldn’t be welcoming or that we have to clean up all the bad stuff in our lives before we can be saved.

I am saying that we shouldn’t allow people to think that it’s OK to remain in rebellion.

I am saying that true faith in Christ alone will change your life. 

Salvation is a supernatural work of God. 

Come as you are, but you won’t stay as you are because God is working in true believers."

Sin will always happen, because we are imperfect.

But that does not mean that sin is okay -

Sin is the thing that nailed our Savior to the Cross.






*Photo found on google, not my image







Monday, January 16, 2017

MY FAVORITE TYPE OF JEANS - HIGH WAISTED & $20


HI BABES! xx

hope everyone is having a wonderful monday!

the weather has been changing every day here in memphis - last week it was snowing, and this week it's been sunny and 75! i can't keep up!

today i kept it simple in a midtown adventure with a pair of my favorite type of jeans. 2 words - high. waisted.

i honestly, truly, genuinely, do not know how i lived before high waisted jeans. whenever i put on normal jeans now i just feel so weird! anyone else have this problem?

anyways, i snagged these high waisted jeans for $20 (yes, only $20!) from forever 21! they're high waisted and fit like a glove, + they have a little bit of fraying at the ends!  i paired them with an off the shoulder top i've had forever. this was a simple look today, but i thought i'd share anyways! thanks for reading loves :)))














Wednesday, January 4, 2017

the naming rights to the universe

*this blog post was inspired by a man much more intelligent than i, pastor cole huffman. this post is based off my interpretation of his latest sermon at first evangelical christian church, located in memphis tennessee. if you're in the memphis area and looking for a church, try out first evan!



auto-zone park. wrigley field. capital one orange bowl.

what do all of these things have in common?

they're examples of naming rights.

naming rights is when a corporation purchases the right to name a facility or event.

sometimes, the company may be lousy.

sometimes something happens where the company may be ashamed to be working with the facility that they have chosen.

but that doesn't matter because they have the rights to it, and own it.

 let me put something into perspective for you -

Jesus has the naming rights of the universe.

this world may be lousy, but Jesus owns it.

things happen every day that make Jesus ashamed of this world,

but He has chosen us.

He's never failed, and He wont start now.

Jesus has the right to every little thing we can think of.

He owns every planet

every star

every continent

every state

every city

every county

every person

every leaf 

every drop of water

He owns it all.

everyone is in God's arena.

so let me ask you something -

why do we doubt Him?

why are we afraid He will forget us?

let us down?

not hear us?

we are the property of Jesus Christ -

He has made us in His image.

why do we focus on what we don't have, 

and obsesses over what we could gain one day...

when we already know what we have

that we cannot lose?

God does not make mistakes.

He has started a good work in us and will carry it to completion (Philippians 1:6)

God will not let us down

or forget us

or give up on us.

God has the naming rights of the universe,

not only that,

but He knows how many hairs are on your head.

He cares for us

loves us

cherishes us.

It has been his arena all along.