Saturday, December 27, 2014

DON'T feel guilty about moving on!

Heartbreak is terrible. Heartbreak is often times sudden, devastating, earth shattering, shocking, depressing, confusing, simply put- it's hard. But the worst thing about heartbreak is that it's inevitable. Every person I know has gone through some sort of pain and I've had my own fair share of heartbreak. My favorite author John Green once put it this way. "That's the thing about pain- it demands to be felt." Since we do live in such a corrupt world, we will feel heartbreak at some points in our life. It's unavoidable. However, heartbreak does not last forever. And that's a topic most people don't talk about. 

When you're in a relationship, you often overlook the bad and focus on the good. For example:
"He lied to me"
"Why don't you break up with him?"
"Well.. *insert excuse here*
Obviously this is a cliche example and not something always worth breaking up over. (Not to say you should put up with lying in a relationship, because you should not!) However, I hear something of this type almost every day. Boys and girls alike are afraid to end their relationship because at the core of it all, they don't know if they could get better. They're used to being in the relationship. They feel guilty. Especially with long relationships, a certain attachment develops and you feel bad about ending it. One of my favorite profiles on instagram posted this photo once which I think everyone should read: 

I've been in multiple relationships where something just wasn't right. I didn't return feelings as strongly. I was lied to. He watched porn. Our morals didn't align. He was too flirty. He cheated. He wasn't passionate. He put me down. He used me. These are all signs that you're with the wrong person. But chances are, if you're like me, you feel guilty. You think to yourself that even though he does go clubbing without you on the weekends, that it isn't reason enough to end it with him. You think that even though she flirts with every guy she meets, that you'd be wrong to break up with her. And what people all over the world need to grasp is the concept that you do not owe anything to anyone! If in your heart of hearts you know this person isn't the one for you, you are doing both the person and yourself a favor by ending it. When you're with someone, the only 2 options you have are staying together forever or breaking up. By putting off the obvious, breaking up, you're just momentarily postponing heartbreak. And you both deserve more than that. It's hard to leave someone, especially if you both loved each other at one point. But sometimes, the people we love change. Unless you are married, you have no duty to stay with someone. If you're being mistreated, or lose feelings, or simply want to be single, you are free to do so. It's worse to stay in a relationship where your heart is only half way into it. 

And once you do finally make the decision to leave the relationship, you are free to do whatever you want. Especially if you were mistreated in the relationship, being single can be a breath of fresh air. Most people don't leave relationships looking for a new one right away, but sometimes it just happens like that.

People will talk about you when you start dating someone new. Your ex will be upset. Your parents will be hesitant. Your friends might tell you it's too soon. But whoever is reading this, you must understand that you cannot live for others. If you meet someone the day after you end it with your ex, that's okay. You have to do what's right for you. You deserve happiness, no matter who it is with. Just like the picture says, if you are with the wrong person, you cannot reach your full potential. God's plan for your life is so much better than you could ever imagine. And if you have a feeling you want out of the relationship you're in, no matter what the reason, you are free to do so.

With that being said, make sure you're getting into your next relationship for the right reasons. Simply rushing into a new relationship is not smart. Being with someone new to make your ex jealous, or to move on, or to feel wanted again, is never a good enough reason to be with someone. Don't force your heart to feel anything. When the right time comes, you will find someone new. Whether it takes a day or 6 years, you will be happy again. Never allow loneliness drive you into the arms of someone wrong for you.

I entered college laughing at people that got into relationships their freshman year. I had no desire to be in a new place with new people with a boyfriend my first year. College is the best time of your life and being a girlfriend was the last thing I wanted. To be honest, I had a couple of guys interested in me that I turned down because I wasn't ready for a relationship. And then one day I was sitting in a dorm room when a guy walked in. He introduced himself, sat on the bed, and acted if it was the most casual thing in the world. This boy's name is Grant. From the very second his face appeared from around the door, I knew he was different. I had the guys that liked me and ex's making me feel guilty for showing an interest in Grant. And for a while, I suppressed my feelings. He asked me out to the movies and I told him only if we went as friends. I tried not to see him one on one. I tried not to flirt. All because I was letting my past relationships control my future. Once I realized what I was doing, I stopped talking to those guys all together. They didn't care about me, they just saw me as a prize they could win. After I stopped talking to them, I really let myself fall for Grant. And to my surprise, he fell for me too. Once I stopped letting others influence what I felt, I decided I liked him. And we've been dating ever since. I'd been in past relationships where I thought I was happy, and maybe I was for a while. But something always happened to ruin it. But I would stay, and settle, because I didn't think I could be any happier. And I am living proof that that mindset of "it wont get better" is false. Grant is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Giving him a chance was the smartest choice I could have made. He treats me well and loves me better than I've ever been loved before. I should have never let others influence my decision to be happy.

In conclusion, if guilt is something you're struggling with while moving on, stop! You have no reason to feel guilty. You deserve happiness. You deserve someone that wants to be with you as badly as you want to be with them. You deserve someone that wont lie to you. You deserve someone that won't break up with you. You deserve someone that would give anything to be with you. You deserve someone that puts you above themselves. You deserve love in the purest form, and you shouldn't settle for anything less. 

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