Friday, December 19, 2014
"Protective or possessive,
call it passive or aggressive"
"It's my right to be hellish
I still get jealous"
"Cause you know I get excited
When you get jealous too"
These are lines from Nick Jonas' new song properly called "Jealous". Don't let the title of my post fool you, I usually consider myself a Nick Jonas fan. (I mean, have you looked at him?) However, I am fed up with this culture's obsession with jealousy. And it's not just Nick. Nearly every time I turn on the radio, I hear a singer teaching young people that jealousy is normal for every relationship. And both sexes are at fault. In Taylor Swift's song "Blank Space" she also gives into the fascination and romanticism with jealousy, stating:
"Screaming, crying, perfect storms
I could make all the tables turn
Rose garden filled with thorns
Keep you second guessing like oh my god
Who is she? I get drunk on jealousy"
"Boys only want love if it's torture"
The common denominator in the pop songs we hear everyday on the radio is that jealousy is a good thing. Its our right. Boys like it. And it makes me sick whenever these songs start to seep into my brain, because what they are portraying could not be further from the truth.
Jealousy has always been my downfall. It has ruined a 2 year relationship for me, it has ruined my confidence, it has, at times, ruined my life. Jealousy sucks. The amount of times I have gotten on my knees and prayed to the Lord to remove my jealousy are far more times than I can count. If I could change one thing about myself, it would be my jealousy. Jealousy ruins trust, it ruins loyalty, it ruins love. Jealousy is a sin and something I have to work on every single day. Unfortunately for me, jealousy and insecurity go hand and hand. So I can speak from experience that jealousy is not "fun". I don't "get excited" when they get jealous too. One of the worst feelings in the entire world is jealousy. The constant feeling of not being good enough. Comparing yourself to others. Imagining the worst situations in your head. Being unable to trust your partner. Immediately hating anyone of your gender that talks to your significant other. Staying up until 4 with the devil on your shoulder telling you you aren't as pretty as his last girlfriend. Jealousy creates problems that aren't there. Jealousy is an excuse to control your partner in a relationship. Jealousy is the opposite of what love should be. Jealousy is not protective, it is evidence of lack of trust.
Jealousy is not your right, it is your insecurity seeping through your relationship.
Jealousy does not make you excited, it breaks you down until you are shattered into a million pieces. Jealousy is not a perfect storm, it is a storm that can take even the strongest foundations down. Jealousy is not a rose garden, it is the thorn in your side. Jealousy does not get you drunk, it gets you so intoxicated you can't see left from right until you are throwing up remnants of your last failed relationship. And the last thing I want from love is torture.
So, what should love be?
"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."
1 Corinthians 13. And that, my friends, is what love should look like. It shouldn't look like attempting to make your significant other jealous. It shouldn't be the pit in your stomach when you see who they have been texting. It shouldnt be favoring tweets. It shouldnt be taking pictures with the opposite sex to make your partner mad. It shouldn't be all these stupid things we do to ourselves everyday. Jealousy is something we have learned to pit against each other, in hopes of heightening feelings. Often times, it is our intention to make our partner jealous. And why do we do this? We do this in hopes that the other person will see how lucky they are to have you and love you even more. But true love is not jealousy. True love does not need jealousy thrown in their face to realize their love for you. Trust me, jealousy is not fun. Despite what the songs say.
"Because there is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."
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