Tuesday, December 29, 2015

loving neutrals + winter outfit ideas!

today is actually cold in memphis which excites me because it means winter clothes! eeeeep finally!! my favorite season to dress for is winter so i'm happy to finally be bundling up in warm sweaters. my favorite thing to do in winter is layering, layering, layering. that way, if you get warm you can shed a few pieces and still have a great outfit! i also recommend a patterned shoe if you want a pop from a mainly dark outfit! :)

what i'm wearing:
v neck top: thrift store $6
poncho: target $40
hat: forever 21 $10
high waisted black jeans: h&m $8
cheetah print boots: target $45
necklace: antique mall $20












Thursday, November 19, 2015

EXCITING NEWS.

hi guys!!!! so after much thought, i've decided to make a tumblr!!! i've been wanting a separate link on my blog for the longest time to link you guys to my other sites and this seems like the perfect opportunity!

what you'll see on my tumblr:
photos of me aka my portfolio
photos i've taken
little inspirational quotes
+ (kinda scary) buuuuuut also linked on my tumblr is an "ask me" section! you can go there if you have any feedback on my blogs and you can even click anonymous if you feel uncomfortable showing your name! so if you've ever had questions//concerns about my writing but didnt feel comfortable messaging me, here's your chance! (please no negativity- it will NOT be posted!)

soooooo.. go give it a look! i'll be posting pictures of myself in the near future! feel free to ask me questions or tell me what you want to see me write about!

follow me!!!-
mallorybeale.tumblr.com

Thursday, November 5, 2015

my thoughts on social media

so, if you haven't heard already, instagram superstar essena o'neill has taken a stand against instagram and furthermore, all of social media. (read the full article here http://www.buzzfeed.com/stephaniemcneal/a-teen-instagram-star-is-editing-her-photo-captions-to-show?utm_term=.iaw51Dl19#.uknq3zM34)
now this one girl's stand against social media has caused quite the uproar in society. is social media as bad and life-sucking as she says it is? or can it be used for positive reasons? is there even a right answer?

what i'm about to post is my personal opinion. you don't have to agree with it, disagree with it, like it, or even read it! this post is solely my thoughts on an issue going on with today's world. i've had experience with social media since 6th grade, and these are my top 5 reasons why i have a problem with it.

1. social media is fake
one of essena's main points is that social media is not real life, and i couldn't agree more. however, we aren't talking about "fake" in the same way. i don't have people shipping me bikinis to sponsor or teas to take pictures of myself drinking to get paid hundreds of dollars, but i do admit that my own social media is not an accurate representation of who i am. first off, i only post pictures that i think are worth posting. i absolutely love taking photographs. my iphoto library is reaching nearly 30,000 photos. you wanna know how many of those photos i've put on instagram? 321. 321 out of 30,000 i choose to show the world. 321 out 30,000 that i think are acceptable to post. i don't post the blurry pictures. or the ones where my stomach is sticking out in my skin tight dress. or the one that my teeth looked yellow in. or the one that made me look pale. or the other 29,000+ that weren't up to par for me. i don't take pictures when i don't get invited to a party. i don't post pictures of myself when i'm crying. i don't post pictures of myself waking up in the morning before i've brushed my teeth. what people portray on social media is their highlight reel. and thats the problem today. when i'm at my lowest, no make up, bad hair day, sitting alone with myself and i check social media because i have nothing else to do, i'm comparing my reality to everyone else's highlight reel. nobody is going to post a picture they look terrible in. nobody is going to admit how many pictures it took to get just the right one. nobody is going to be honest on social media. now people can joke all they want on social media and post sarcastic no make up pictures or pictures they look bad in, but they're doing it because they think it's funny. not because they're actually unhappy with the way they look. a couple of months back, i posted this picture which i've shared before but i'm going to share again.


this was my attempt at showing instagram a glimpse into what i'm really like. people aren't always all done up and have a full face of make up on. social media isn't ever what people think it is, it's a fake profile.

2. social media is an addiction
i'll be the first to admit my addiction to social media. at times, it really takes over my life. don't think it takes over yours? ask yourself a couple of questions. can you go to an exciting event, get all ready and done up, and not think about taking a picture? can you go to a concert and keep your phone in your pocket and just soak up the energy, without looking at the artist through your phone screen? do you wake up in the morning and directly get out of bed and start your day, or do you wake up and look at facebook... check instagram.. tweet? do you find yourself at ease when you don't have your phone in your hand? it's ok if all of these answers no. i know mine sure are. because we are living in a social media obsessed world. if you're not on social media, you're left out. you feel lost. me personally, i would be much more prone to say social media is a good thing if i wasn't so utterly obsessed with it. but i've seen progressively people become more and more attached to it. once you accept that social media is an addiction, it become easier to step away from it for a bit.

3. social media lies to us
this kind of goes hand and hand with my first point, but i wanted to make this one a point of it's own. social media lies to us. every single day. let me show you how it lies to us on a daily basis.
i wake up, i roll over, and check instagram. the first picture i see is a sunrise. "wow, i missed a great sunrise today" i think to myself. and maybe i did. but maybe, just maybe, the picture is edited. and maybe just maybe she took the picture off of a popular website. or maybe she changed the saturation and hue and exposure and contrast to make it look much better than it is. the next picture is of the party i didn't go to last night. "i missed a really fun party last night" i think to myself. but maybe the party wasn't so fun. maybe it got busted by cops. or maybe those 2 people just took a picture to make it seem fun. or maybe they were throwing up the other half of the night. next i see an instagram model sitting on the beach in a bikini. "she's so skinny" i think to myself. i don't know if she's eaten this morning. or if she ate yesterday. or if she photoshopped her waist line. or if she has professional photographers taking hundreds of pictures of her each morning to get one good one. i keep scrolling, because i'm obsessed. next i see a picture of someone holding their bible. "they're such a better christian than i am" i think. they might read the bible for 2 hours a day. or they might pick it up, take a picture of it, and put it back down. they might be going through the hardest thing in their life and depending on God solely to get them through it, or they might be the happiest they've ever been. i can't tell from a single picture. then i see a picture of a celebrity on the red carpet. "they must be so happy" i think to myself. i don't know what they're going through. i don't know if they're battling depression or in debt or struggling to find their next movie. i do know that they had an entire team working on their hair and make up, hours in advance. i know that they have probably undergone some plastic surgery to fix their imperfections. i do know that they have a person that instagrams for them, to find the best picture. i see a picture of a couple kissing "they have the perfect relationship" i think to myself. but maybe they spent the last week fighting and they're on their last straw. or maybe he's cheating on her and she doesn't know it yet. or maybe they get on each other's nerves non-stop. i can comment #goals all i want, but i don't really know them. and then i see a picture of an old friend i've lost touch with, with a ton of new friends. "she's so much better without me" i think to myself. but maybe she's crying every night because she misses me. or maybe she has a lot of acquaintances, but not true friends. and maybe she misses me, but she sees my instagram and think i'm doing fine without her. 
i have all of these negative, self-destructive thoughts before getting out of the bed in the morning. how then, am i supposed to get through the day with a smile on my face?

4. social media puts a numerical value to our worth
for the first time in human history, we are determined by a number. likes. replies. comments. following. posts. comments. followers. pictures. retweets. these are the things that define us nowadays. our social status is determined by what other's think of us. how they rate us on a 1-10 scale. we compare our likes with other people's likes and get discouraged. but let me let everyone in on a little secret- likes are fake. not like what i said earlier. i'm talking literally fake likes. people can actually pay for apps that create accounts to give you more likes from robots. i've seen it being used by half the people i follow on instagram. you can literally download an app, give yourself 100 likes, and feel better about yourself. all the while, knowing they're fake. but other people don't know that half of your likes came from a robot, so you feel good. all of these things- likes, followers, comments are so petty. we don't follow someone back if they don't get enough likes. we don't comment on something if we don't know the person. all we care about is our own numbers, and the sad thing is that we'll never be happy. essena posted a youtube video saying that no matter how many thousands of followers she had, she always wanted more. we're taking about a girl with millions of followers and she still wasn't happy. if she can't be happy, we can't be happy. there's no magic number on social media that's going to make us truly happy. sure, hitting a thousand followers feels good. for a little bit. then you lose a follower. and wonder what you did wrong. then you want more. and more. because numbers cannot make us happy.

5. social media is not tangible
let me explain myself. social media is not a person. or a thing. or a place. it is an online community of people trying to one-up the other. the amount of time that i spend on social media is disgusting. i spend hours a day, scrolling, liking, commenting, posting. i came to this realization over this past summer- what if i spent the same amount of time that i do on social media on something else? if someone came up to me and told me that i had to work on homework for 5 hours a day, 7 days a week, i would tell them it's impossible. yet i do spend this much time on social media every single day. if i spent half the time i do on social media actually speaking to a new person, who knows where my relationships would lead. if i spent time pouring into someone, encouraging them, learning about them, rather than liking their pictures. if i spent a quarter of the time that i do on social media on reading the Bible. ultimately, this was the reason over the summer for deleting my snapchat and twitter. after a while, the excitement of social media will die down and we will be left without it. (whether this happens tomorrow or when we die) and we have to be okay with that. i spend countless hours picking a filter for a picture of a coffee cup to post, when i have an all-knowing creator up in heaven, longing to have a personal relationship with me. God doesn't care how many likes i get, or how many followers i lost that day, or what i posted. God cares about what matters- my heart. what if instead of every morning, tired eyes and groggy mind, i reached for my bible instead of my phone? what if i spent time in silent devotion, instead of silent scrolling? what if i focused on my father in heaven more than i do my followers? likes, posts, followers don't mean anything. Jesus had 12 followers.

all of this to say, i do not believe that social media is morally wrong. it is not a sin to check instagram. however, it is a sin to lust. and more times than not, i'm lusting over pictures. social media has gotten out of control, no doubt. but at the foundation of it, it isn't half bad. you can connect with people from all over the world. you can keep up with old friends. you can share images instantly instead of waiting for film to get developed. you can get many more job oppurtunies from looking on social media. social media has it's perks, there's no denying it. but when you're identifying with it, and obsessing over it, it becomes a problem. don't forget you're more than what you post. you're better than your highlight reel because you're real. you are who you are because of more than your highlight reel. what makes you, you, is your struggles. your laugh. your hobbies. your passion. your inspiration. your loved ones. your personality. your faith. and none of these things can be compressed into a 4x4 instagram photo.

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Something I want to tell every woman: What he thinks of you is all that matters



  The only thing that matters is his opinion of you. I want to shout this from the rooftops. I want to tell daughters, mothers, aunts, grandmothers, women from all around the world- His opinion does define you. The way he views you, treats you, thinks of you, loves you, talks to you, judges you- it's all that really matters. You are only as big as he makes you out to be. You can only achieve what he thinks you can achieve. Ultimately, he is in control of you. He defines you.

  Now, let me clarify. I am a feminist and I am all about being independent and so-forth, except when it comes to this. I hold true to the fact that while you are in this relationship, he must be greater than you are. You must do everything according to what he says. You have to live for life for him. After all, his opinion defines you. Now this might seem problematic, but it is actually the opposite. It's wonderful. Because I'm not talking about a relationship with just anybody. I'm not talking about the boy that broke your heart in high school or the past marriage you were in that failed. I'm talking about the very important and real relationship with our Creator and King. The relationship that affects every aspect of your life- and as it should. The relationship between you and your Heavenly Father. (for some girls, the only father they've ever had). The only relationship we can be in that demonstrates perfect and flawless love.

  What would you do if I told you there was someone out there that loved you so purely and intimately that they would give their life for you? That they would only speak words of encouragement to you? That they would be always be kind to you, always make you feel beautiful, always love you selflessly? Would you believe me? Or would you turn away, never realizing what was right in front of you? What if I told you that this "someone" was real, and that they want to have your heart if you would only open up to it?

  Women and girls especially spend their whole lives seeking approval from others. It doesn't matter what we're doing- we want people to like us. We crave approval, we need it. We never stop searching for it. Unfortunantly, we can never be satisfied with this world. It will never be able to give us what we need. Maybe we lose the game for the team. Or we don't feel good enough about our weight. Or we lose our dream job. Or that guy broke up with us because we weren't "pretty" enough.  Or our marriage fails. Something always seems to go wrong. We put immense pressure on ourselves. We have to fit gender roles, we have to make money, we have to be pretty. We take personality tests, career tests, educational tests. But ladies, I have good news. The only thing that matters in this torn up, messy life is what He thinks of you. And let me tell you what that is.

Psalm 139:14 God says,“You am fearfully and wonderfully made." 
Jesus encourages us in Romans 8:18, "You have a glorious future"
God tells me in Psalm 17, "I am the apple of His eye."
In Deuteronomy 7:6, God tells me that I am "His treasured possession." 
Genesis 1:27 lets me know "I created you in my own image"
Romans 8:39 reminds us of our stability in Him, "You are utterly secure in me; nothing will be able to separate you from my love in Christ Jesus"
Jesus reminds me I have worth in Matthew 10:31 "You are more valuable than many sparrows"
Psalm 8:5 says, "I have crowned you with glory and honor as the pinnacle and final act of the six days of creation"
In John 14:18 God tells us "You are no longer orphans. You belong to me"
1 John 3:1, God tells us he loves us "And I love you as a perfect Father"

  So, as I repeat, the only thing that matters is His opinion of you. I want to shout this from the rooftops. I want to tell daughters, mothers, aunts, grandmothers, women from all around the world- His opinion does define you. The way He views you, treats you, thinks of you, talks to you, judges you- it's all that really matters.

  Now, the next time you feel as if your failures are defining you, or that you'll never amount to anything, or that you wont compare to other women- I urge you to dive into scripture headfirst. You need to know what God thinks of you, rather than guess what people think of you.

  Ladies: listen to me. Don't settle for the guy that sends you an apology over text when you have the ultimate 1,900 page love note from the One who created you. Don't put so much pressure on yourself in every aspect of your life, learn to bask in the stillness and goodness of the Lord. Don't allow yourself to lower your standards for the man that tells you he loves you while demeaning you, let yourself feel the love from the One that is strong enough to sacrifice himself for you. Don't doubt yourself when God reminds you that you are His masterpiece. Don't define yourself by your mistakes, allow Christ to re-define you. Don't fall into the hook-up culture expecting to find someone to make you feel less lonely, fall into the love of Christ and never be alone again.

Thursday, October 8, 2015

♡ALL ABOUT MY HAIR + HOW I GOT IT BLEACH BLONDE♡

HI BEAUTIES!♡ so one of the most commonly asked questions//compliments i receive is about my hair. so this long awaited post will give you all the inside info on my hair + what it really took to get it bleach blonde! :)

THE LENGTH:

how i got it: "how do you get your hair so long?" is something everyone with long hair gets asked. and as much as i wish i could reveal a secret to how i got my long hair, the answer really is as simple as having the patience to grow it out! most people tend to get super antsy when their hair is growing out and keep it trimmed, or get bored with their look and chop it off in an impulse. (which is awesome!!!!) however, this method wont work if you want to have long locks. i don't get my hair trimmed/split ends cut off but twice a year. all it really takes is patience to wait to have long hair! i'm extremely blessed at the rate that my hair grows. my hair grows fast compared to other people i've talked to, so growing it out wasn't a problem for me. ask your stylist if there are any products you can take to enhance hair growth if you are struggling!

pros/cons of long hair: i've had long hair as long as i can remember, and i love it. however, there are downsides to everything. so here are a couple of frustrating things about long hair that most people don't take into consideration. drying it. ugh. drying long hair is probably the biggest hassle. i prefer showering at night and as soon as i get out of the shower, i go to bed with my hair wet. most mornings when i wake up, my hair (mostly the back) will still be dripping wet, no exaggeration. this makes life difficult because of the fact that i almost always need time in advance (like a whole day) to get ready for events if i want my hair to look decent. also blow-drying doesn't work either. firstly, blow-drying takes an eternity and a half. secondly, after my hair is blow-dried i look like a lion out of  a zoo. at least for me, blow-drying makes my hair extremely frizzy, added to the fact that it's unhealthy for your hair! (which you will try to avoid if you want long, healthy hair!) other cons is that long hair can be a handful (literally). it's a lot to deal with and takes a chunk of your time styling it. curling//straightening my hair usually takes 30 minutes. however, long hair can be awesome. there isn't any hair style that you can't  do. i can throw it all up on top of my head, braid it, leave it down, put it in a pony, almost anything. long hair is fun because of all the many styles you can find to do with it. :)

PRODUCTS I USE:

straightening my hair: for straightening my hair, i just use a normal chi and set it to 250 degrees. i try not to straighten it too often just because of how harsh the temperature//heat can be!

curling my hair: i have multiple different curling irons. none of them are name brand, i get most of them at places like target. i always use at least an inch and a half so that my curls will fall naturally.

other products: i use herbal essence shampoo and conditioner, and use it 3 times a week. after i get out of the shower, i always brush my hair completely out to get rid of any tangles. when you have long hair like me, tangles can get pretty messy, so i squirt a couple sprays of "7 seconds" spray into my hair that you can find at most salons.

STYLING:

how i style my hair: i almost always wear a middle part on my hair. it's super easy and manageable + i'm a huge fan of middle parts because i think they look boho. most days i don't do anything to my hair. for special events, i either straighten, curl, or a little of both. my go to hair style for special events (formals, date night, nice parties) is parting my hair on the side and straightening it all the way through. then, i go back and curl the ends. i do this so that the top of my head looks straight and soft and that the bottom has loose curls falling from it.

THE COLOR:

dyeing my hair: i've dyed my hair a number of times in my life. i love the ability i have to change my color with the season. with that being said, my natural color is a chocolate brown. i have dyed it dark//black every winter for the past 4 years. and this past summer, i actually dyed it bleach blonde. here are the pictures//steps i had to take to get to my blonde locks:


natural color: my natural color is a chocolate brown with subtle highlights
dark color: i do this around fall time to match the season + fall colors! (this is my personal favorite hair color) it's close to black but not exactly! 
october



first step to going blonde: the first step i took was an ombre. i wanted to get the ends lightened, but keep my roots the same. this ended up dyeing most of my hair a lighter shade of brown
february 


which soon after turned to orange.. with very dark roots (yikes!)
march




second step to going blonde: i went and picked up bleach from target and ended up re-bleaching my own hair to cancel out most of the orange and to give me an overall blonde look (still keeping my roots) 
april




third step: i was finally to the point where my hair was light enough to be turned blonde all over! i went to my hair stylist at home and got it professionally done at a salon called goulds. + i also added layers to add some more depth to my hair
june



last step- PLATINUM! : after getting my whole head bleached and dyed (for the 3rd time), my hair continued to get lighter instead of orange. i went on vacation soon after getting it done which gave me a lot of sun time, which ultimately gave me the bleach blonde!
july



back to brown: and after i had been damaging my hair for 6 straight months and after i had achieved the platinum blonde look, i took a step back into reality and realized i needed to give my hair time to breathe again. so i went and got it dyed back a light shade of brown
august
on the way to salon:
 after salon:

fading brown: since my hair had turned so light and had so many rounds of bleach, the brown faded quickly to a dirty blonde//very light shade of brown. 
currently





if any of you have any other questions about my hair- feel free to ask! also, if you would be interested in me starting up a youtube and creating hair + make up tutorials, let me know! thanks all so much for reading♡♡♡


Tuesday, September 29, 2015

s t i l l n e s s // the calm before the storm

so... i've gotta feeling. and no i'm not talking about that cheesy black eyed peas song. i'm talking about a real, genuine feeling about this life that i live.

do you ever have that hunch that whatever situation you're in is preparing you for something bigger? it's almost unexplainable; like the calm before the storm. not when the rain is pouring down and thunder is rolling throughout the sky, seconds before it. when suddenly the air seems different- it seems still. the trees are swaying, and you watch the sky change it's hue into vibrant colors of violet or red or purple or dark blue. all of the animals seem to be tucked into their nests. there's no music or talking or distractions. for once, the earth seems calm. almost too calm. and then seconds later, a storm rolls in and changes everything. it's kind of like an eery sensation that what i'm experiencing right now is coming to an end soon.

now that might seem morbid, but i promise it's not. i'm learning to embrace this season of my life. i'm learning to embrace this growing season. to embrace quietness, embrace serenity, embrace stillness. oh so often in growing seasons, humans search for a hobby or a meaning or a higher reason to point their feelings towards. but hear me out- what if we didn't? what if we learned to bask in the goodness of the Lord-without questions? what if we learned to be still and know that God is Lord? what if we stopped being so self obsessed that we set our gaze to higher things than job promotions, or good grades or accomplishments?

i'm not saying any or all of the things above are bad, they are all very good things. however, we define ourselves with them. we're never happy because we're always waiting for the next step. so therefore when life seems to be at a standstill, like mine is now, we too often get frustrated.

i've been frustrated for a while now and i've even expressed my thoughts on this blog about how i wanted my life to speed up. and i'm not talking about hour to hour, day to day, because balancing school, relationships, a sorority, a job, and all of the earthly things my heart craves is well enough for me. i'm talking about this season of life for me. nothing huge is happening. i feel still, and i want to fix it. but recently God has shown me how good it is to be still. to simply live. to taste and see that the He is good.

i have a feeling about my life. i have a feeling it will transform before my eyes into something i never once expected. i have a feeling this blog is apart of my calling. just the other day, i was in my hometown, memphis, for the weekend. i was enjoying a quiet lunch with my family when i got noticed in public for the first time from my blog. (SHOUTOUT TO ALYSSA- YOU ROCK.) i had a girl come up to me and know my name and face, and tell me that she was a huge fan of my writings on my blog. i had never met this girl before, or heard of her, but she knew me and read some of the deepest parts of my soul and connected with it. enough to start her own blog. and how awesome is that? now many people will look at that story and think it's a silly coincidence that one of the people that read my blogs recognized me. but it was the first time in my life that someone has sought me out, in person, and thanked me for my writings. and let me tell you, it was a great feeling. it was a feeling i want to feel for the rest of my life.

all of this to say, i have a feeling that God will work in me in whatever way he chooses and that it will be better than any plan i could create for myself. i have a feeling i need to embrace the quietness, because i know firsthand how out of control life can get. i have a feeling that being still isn't a bad thing.

song inspiration for this blog:
sidewalk prophets -- help me find it

"if there’s a road i should walk
help me find it
if i need to be still
give me peace for the moment
whatever Your will
whatever Your will
can you help me find it
can you help me find it"

SIDE-NOTE / THANKS
i've had numerous people message me and tell me how my blog affects them and enlightens them and almost half of them start something like this:
"hey you don't know me so sorry if this is weird" or
"mallory this is gonna sound so creepy" or
"hi so this might be strange"
if people only knew the happiness that fills my heart when i get feedback on my blog. i choose to share my deepest thoughts with you guys in hopes that someone, somewhere on this earth will connect to it. or be changed by it. or encouraged by it. if i didn't have any desire for helping others through my writings, i would write it all in a journal and keep it tucked away underneath my bed. thank you all to the sweet souls that have taken time to message me and let me know how my blog has reached them. i have all of my contact info listed below in my bio and love hearing from each and every one of you guys. if any of you has an idea for a blog post/has something you'd like to see me write on, feel free to let me know!
also thank you all for sticking with me through my months of absence from blogging! there's no big or secret reason on why i took a break, i just simply didn't have many things running through my mind to write about. beginnings of school years are always busy and this year was no exception. however, i've been jotting down some ideas and have new material coming your way soon! thank you again, each and every one of you, for reading my words. it means the world to me and more.


Monday, July 27, 2015

wolf of wall street

it's 12:27 right now and i'm sitting in bed crying. i'm a rather emotional person, so my emotions are things i have learned to allow myself to express. i cry when i'm happy and i cry when i'm sad and i cry when people yell at me and i cry when i'm stressed out and i cry at romantic movies and i cry when people say nice things to me. i cry, a lot. but i'm crying tonight for a reason other than i've ever cried before. tears are strolling down my face as i write this because of the state of the world i live in.
tears are strolling down my face tonight because i tried to watch "wolf of wall street".
"wolf of wall street" is a movie notorious for the crazy life style of a stock broker. i knew this when it came out a couple of years ago and promised i would never watch it. nearly everyone i knew that was my age had seen it and loved it. "it's hilarious" "i want to be just like him" "it's my favorite movie" were all real things i had heard come out of the mouths of others. i didn't have anything to do tonight so i decided to see what all the hype was about. i didn't think it could be that bad. i mean, all i had heard was good things about it.
i didn't hear about the domestic abuse in it. i didn't hear that within the first 5 minutes i would see 3 naked women portrayed as prostitutes. i didn't hear that drugs were in every scene. i didn't hear that strippers made appearances more times than i can count. i didn't hear about the absolutely terrible content. i made it through a full hour before bursting into tears. and this might not make sense to others and it doesn't fully make sense to me, but i'm writing about it. (that's what blogs are for, right?)
now, i am a normal almost 20 year old and have been exposed one way or the other to all the things above. nothing in the movie was new or shocking to me. but the almost 3 hour long movie, strung together, by sin after sin made me feel physically ill. i felt dirty and sinful and ashamed to the point of tears. i've never actually felt that before. and it makes me so incredibly sad that people that i know can like this garbage. even parts of the movie. maybe even a scene. because this movie is the absolute worst thing i have ever seen. i had never watched something before that made me want to physically scrub my skin to cleanse myself. that made me immediately have to put on my christian pandora station to calm my soul back down. it just makes me so sad.
it makes me so terrified to have kids of my own. if i think that is bad, i can't even imagine what it will be like for my (god-willing) kids growing up. it makes me not want to bring another child into this world because corruption is inevitable, and so so easy nowadays. this movie got great ratings and stats and reviews and i just want to go into each person's brain that saw this and hand pick every memory of the film and erase it. i don't want one person on god's green earth wasting their time watching this filth. i can't even accurately explain how terrible this movie is and i would say you would have to see it to understand, but i beg of you, if you haven't already, to refrain from seeing it.
as i admitted earlier, my emotions sometimes get the best of me and i'm ok with that. i don't know exactly why i'm crying. i think i'm crying because it makes me so upset that young people can think this is what is "cool". i don't know if i'm a weirdo or a freak for being so affected by this film (and i know it is my fault for watching it) but it just makes me want to claw at my own skin thinking of the people i love most in this world watching this movie and learning from it.
this movie is the most false version of reality i have ever seen. i wish people would find the bible as interesting as they do drugs. or sex. or porn. or domestic violence. or strip clubs. or money. or people. this post doesn't have a motivational point or anything like that and i don't know how to end it. writing is my therapy and so that's what i did. i'm sad tonight because i read scripture about how the world should be, and then i look around and see the total opposite. i don't know if this makes any sense and i don't feel like editing it to make sense so i'm going to post this to make myself feel better.

Saturday, July 11, 2015

my soul will rest in your embrace

i remember sitting in this exact spot almost a year ago, writing my first blog post- about college. and it seems i've almost come full circle. because here i am, a full year of college under my belt, as confused as ever. now don't get me wrong, i love my college. i'm thankful every single day that god led my heart away from the college i had originally chosen, looking back on it. i know that the decision i made this time last year was the right one. but is it the right one still?

like i said, samford was the right school for me freshman year without a doubt. i met two incredible people there within the first two months that i can't even imagine my life without (or before). i had wonderful experiences in my first year of college. i learned a lot about myself through good times and through bad times. i got into the sorority i wanted. i got extremely lucky with my professors and classes. a lot of good happened to me by following god's will for me. i'm just not so sure his will hasn't changed.

i liked college a lot more than i thought i would. i never liked high school and i was nervous to transition into a new city where i didn't know anyone. but even in my very happiest, most blissful moments i wasn't 100% sure i was where i was supposed to be. and i don't mean a different college, i mean college in general. after a life altering experience over christmas break, i seriously considered taking a break from college. it consumed my thoughts to the point that i talked to my parents, whom encouraged me to try another semester. so i did. but here i am, about to be entering my sophomore year, more lost than ever. i don't even know what i want to major in anymore. if i'm being honest with myself, i want to drop out of college. (details on that in a separate post coming up soon.) but society is telling me to stay in college, or else i won't be able to make a life for myself. so, i'm going back to samford to give it another year to hopefully figure things out. i mean, i want to figure things out! it just hasn't been working for me lately. 

this wandering around is tiring and emotional draining for me. i don't know what i'm doing with my life, or if i wanna stay in college, or what to major in. and these all might seem like petty problems, but to an almost 20 year old, this is all i think about. 

i was reading scripture earlier when i came across acts 2:25. the full scripture is here: 
i had never read acts before, and was absolutely blown away by the truth in this passage. the first verse, "i saw the lord always before me" is one of my new favorite quotes. it put things in perspective for me and my life, especially now. often times, i get so caught up in specifics. majors. college. jobs. and i don't lift my head to the heavens nearly as much as i should. before i get all caught up in my life, i have to remember to look forward and see the lord. not what the next day will bring. or what i'll end up doing with my life. not many things in my life are clear right now. (are they ever?) i don't have much figured out, but i do have one thing that i hold true to. the lord is before me. in a literal sense, i should always think of the lord before myself. he is before me and his plan will prevail. but also in a physical sense. the lord is before me, in a way that i cannot fully comprehend in my human mind. the lord knows my future and has seen the outcome. he had planned out every second of my life even before i took my first breath. if anything, i have full confidence in my god.

but first and foremost, i need to seek jesus. after all, "i will not be shaken... my body will also rest in hope." ahhhh. what a great word to read. rest. i don't rest enough, either. and i don't mean lay in bed and binge eat while watching netflix, because lord knows i do my fair share of that. i hardly ever sit down somewhere, without my phone, with zero distractions, and focus on the power of the lord. i don't rest in his presence. i'm always going a mile a minute. but what beautiful news it is that i can rest in the hope of the lord! i can actually sit down and be filled with not anxiety or fear, but rest. the definition of rest is this -- "to cease work or movement in order to relax, refresh oneself, or recover strength". i can't imagine a more needed thing than to relax, refresh, and recover strength in jesus more often.

as most of you don't know, i listen to music while i write. my typical writing style is putting my hair up in a bun on top of my head, pulling out my laptop, and putting a pandora station on. depending on what i'll be writing, i put on different stations. usually when i am writing on the lord, i put on christian contemporary. my all time favorite christian song is oceans by hillsong. this song just came on my station and it couldn't have been a better time. (i highly encourage all believers to check it out if you haven't already heard it! no matter how many times i hear it, i can hear something new in the lyrics each time.) his song has been my anthem for as long as i can remember. the lyrics are more than a song to me, i can honestly say every time i sing it, i feel the presence of the lord in a way i cannot describe. tears fill my eyes every time i hear the first note. one of my favorite lyrics from the song is -- ""when oceans rise, my soul will rest in your embrace, for i am yours, and you are mine" and hillsong put it beautifully. no matter the circumstances in out life, we can find rest in the embrace of our lord and savior. what an incredibly encouraging thing to hear!

i still don't know what i'm going to do in this life god has given me. it could go a million different directions. it could take me months, years, or even never, to discover what i'm ultimately supposed to be doing. but it's a great reminder that god gave me today that no matter what happens, i can rest in god and god alone.

if any of you are struggling with decisions // hardships, feel free to chat with me! links below :)

Saturday, July 4, 2015

♡Happy 4th of July!♡

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY EVERYONE
I hope you all had a great 4th!! I spent my day with my family, cooked out burgers + fireworks! (what other way?) 
I chose to wear a good ole pair of jean high-waisted shorts with a patriotic colored flannel tied across my waist. I found a vintage t-shirt from goodwill that I cut the sleeves off of and tied behind me to create a home-made crop top look! I wore my white high tops converse with red striped socks and matched that with a red ribbon in my hair. (I did an Ariana Grande inspired half-up do!) I topped my look all off with a red lipstick and smokey eye! 









 Since none of the clothing I wore was branded, I can't link any sources to where I got my things! Sorry guys!! I still wanted to share my look with you all. I will have things sourced next fashion post. Love you all xoxo