Friday, January 9, 2015

Why I refuse to believe my view of love is unrealistic

I was recently in a discussion where I was branded a "hopeless romantic" and "unrealistic" once I shared my views on love. Although I am only 19 and know I am young and similarly have much to learn about this world, I think I have a pretty good understanding of what love is, and what it is not. I've experienced love, and am currently in love. I've seen love fall apart and I've seen love blossom right before my eyes. I've been around the ring once or twice. I made a couple of claims during the conversation saying things such as:
I will never get a divorce
I will wake up loving my significant other more each day
I will be so in love with my spouse that our kids will be disgusted
After I made these claims, demeaning laughter is all that I heard. I was quickly told that love isn't like that, and that the honeymoon phase does, in fact, wear off. I was told I was hit a harsh reality once I got married. I was told that my idea of love was highly unrealistic, and that it looks different in the "real world". So tell me, what is the real world? Because last time I checked, it was what I'm living in. I'm not living in a world of flowers and daisies, like I was accused of. I am realistic, but I am hopeful. I know what the real world is like.

So what about some of the greatest love stories? I brought up John and Yoko. A quote by John:
“But I can be alone without Yoko, but I just have no wish to be. There’s no reason on earth why I should be alone without Yoko. There’s nothing more important than our relationship, nothing. And we dig being together all the time. Both of us could survive apart but what for? I’m not going to sacrifice love, real love for any whore or any friend or any business, because in the end you’re alone at night and neither of us want to be. And you can’t fill a bed with groupies. It doesn’t work. I don’t want to be a swinger. I’ve been through it all and nothing works better than to have someone you love hold you.”

Or what about Johnny and Wiyona?
“I’d die for her. I love her so much. I don’t know what i would do without her. She’s going through a lot right now. I wish I could just kiss away the pain, make it go away, stop it, kill it! If she, you know, (gets teary eyed) I don’t know what I would do. I’d kill myself. I love that girl. I love her. I love her almost more than I love myself”

Or what about the great classics? Pure, passionate, unending, forgiving, perfect love does exist. And just because it's become more rare with time, does not synonymously make it impossible.

I'm not arguing that divorce rates have gone up substancially in the past half decade. I'm not naive and realize that along with our fallen culture, relationships have fallen also. I am arguing that I will not be another statistic.

Despite what adults have told me about marriage and the constant jokes of how hard marriage is, I maintain in my belief that love can be as great as we want it to be. We just have to want it.

I will love my husband more with every breath that I take. We will fight- sometimes nonstop for weeks. That doesn't mean I can't love him more every second? I will do whatever it takes to make him happy, even though I will fail. I will never stop trying. I will make him breakfast and mother his kids and travel the world with him. I will refuse to let the honeymoon phase wear off. I will do every single thing in my power to make our love fresh and nurtured every day. 

I recently read a blog that portrayed my feelings perfectly. (For the full blog, go to http://elitedaily.com/life/truly-deserve-everything/661517/) It states:
"We should never settle for someone who could walk away and not turn back. We should never settle for someone who doesn’t recognize what he is holding when embracing our hands or someone who doesn’t remind us every day of how much we mean to him. What you truly deserve, well, is everything. What you deserve is someone missing you the moment you walk out the door, even if you’ll only be gone a moment. You deserve someone who may not believe in fairytales, but who treats you like a princess simply because that’s what you are to him. You deserve someone who will challenge you instead of just giving in. Someone who will share his honest thoughts with you because you’re going to share your honest lives together; yet, someone who knows how to forgive and to be happy instead of right. You deserve that epic passion that “50 Shades of Grey” doesn’t even cover: a spark that never goes dim, eyes that only turn to you and the need to feel your touch whenever you’re around. You deserve a passion that awakens your inner being and intertwines your hearts into one. You deserve to always feel wanted, to never doubt for a moment how your significant other feels about you. You deserve to never waver for a second that the future consists of you together, both looking forward. You deserve the safety that encompasses you like a wave, sometimes in a swell, but forever coasting. You deserve every birthday remembered and every holiday embraced. You deserve effort behind any gift, even if it’s a flower picked up from the sidewalk on the way home. You deserve a thought behind every word, especially when saying goodbye. You deserve letters, notes and Post-Its that remind you how special you are to him on any given day. You deserve to be held with tenderness. You deserve that earth-shattering kiss; the one that you need to stay alive and the one that is your sole nourishment for survival.It breaks all bounds and you lose yourself in it every time. Your mind can’t find the difference between present, past and future because in that moment, time does not exist. You’re adrift between the taste of love and the feeling of forever. You deserve to be introduced to friends as if you were the rarest thing on earth. You deserve to be brought into a room with pride in hand that he is so blessed to be standing beside you. You deserve someone who would always choose the seat next to you and would never need to brag about how lucky he is because anyone could see it clearly in his face when he looks at you. You deserve something that isn’t easy; a love that is hard, but you tough it out together. You learn through your battles and you start to fight them together. You stand your ground, but you stand beside each other doing so. You deserve to be tested in your limits because it’s at the edge where you discover the greatest faith. You deserve a true and epic love, nothing short of the above. You deserve to be someone’s dream come true, never someone’s afterthought. You deserve to walk on air and walk on fire at the same time because the very best things in life are not easy."

I once heard the saying, “Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love shouldn't be one of them.” And I agree 100%. I think the problem today is that people think love isn't relative, and I'm here to tell you it is. Love is different for everyone, and different every time. You can love, and be in love, with multiple different people in your life. But I do strongly believe there is one person on this earth for you. And I think that might be the issue today. Far too many people are settling for the first love they experience. Which is why, after time, things fall apart. Because the person was never meant for them in the first place- they just thought they were. There are many types of love. And every type is beautiful in it's own way. 

Wait for the love that takes your breath away every day, even when they are standing in the doorway, leaning on a walker, with wrinkles covering their face. Wait for the love that makes you laugh even when you're on a stretcher with broken bones. Wait for the love that is your sense of comfort when your whole world is falling apart. Wait for the love that never makes fun of you, or demeans you, or bails on you, or breaks your heart, or rejects your calls. Wait for the love that can't get enough of you. Wait for the love that thinks you are God's greatest creation. Wait for the love that knows all of your food orders by heart, and doesn't judge you when you get the extra large cup of queso. Wait for the love that will not be diminished by time or distance. Wait for the love that you cannot live without, because that's how it's supposed to be.

I've seen grandparents look at each other like nothing else existed. I've seen parents make out in front of their kids. I've seen 13 year olds hold hands for hours, despite how much their palms are sweating. Love is relative. Love is different for every person. So don't you dare tell me that I won't have the love I want. I refuse to believe it. 



Thursday, January 8, 2015

YOU ARE NOT A COLOR

"Look at yourself as a color. You may not be everybody's favorite color but believe me, one day you will meet someone who needs you to complete their picture."

no. NO. NO!!! 
i want to get inside the mind of everyone that has read this and agreed with it and erase it from their memory.
i get what this post is supposed to be about. 
it's supposed to be the "shake off your haters cuz someone loves you" mentality.
and although i am 100% for that, that's not what the second part of the sentence says.
"you will meet someone who needs you to complete their picture"
...
this is such a common concept in society today and completely toxic!!!
WE ARE NOT COLORS!
we are human beings with feelings, and thoughts, and personalities, and souls, and values, and beliefs, and strengths, and weaknesses, and hearts.
don't demean yourself to a color!
you are all so much more than a ray of light; you are every shade of the entire universe.
as humans, we can't have the mindset that we will someday find someone to "complete us" or that we will "complete them".
love is incredible, don't get me wrong. but love does not complete us.
it's such a common misconception nowadays that the person we are meant to be with will need us to complete them, and vise versa. and it's such a toxic mindset!
it's normal and even a good thing to want to experience everything with your lover.
but once it passes the feeling of "want" to the feeling of "need", it tends to turn negative.
we don't need anybody to make us happy!
we don't need anybody to brighten our day!
we don't need anybody to complete our picture!
we don't need anybody to help us through the rough times!
we don't need anybody to make us feel full of worth!
we want all of these things- which is healthy!
don't wait around for somebody to fix you, or help you, or god forbid, "complete you".
nobody can complete you.
you are complete before and after you meet your soulmate.
"remember that you were art long before he came to admire you, and you'll continue to be art even when he's gone"
we are all masterpieces from a perfect creator and don't need another person to tell us so!
you physically can't spend every waking second with your loved one, so you have to learn to live without them sooner or later
whether it's for 2 hours every day, 2 months, or 2 years, you will be separated from the person you love.
and that's when you have to learn that being on your own isn't so bad.
learn to embrace solitude- it's where you learn the most about yourself.
love yourself.
make yourself happy.
treat yourself.
take yourself out.
pamper yourself.
dress up for yourself.
do everything for yourself- not for others.
don't wait around for someone to make you feel complete, realize that you've been complete all along.

Saturday, January 3, 2015

16/365: I am so in love with you

I am so in love with you it makes my head hurt, and we both know that never happens. I am so in love with you it makes my tiny fingers tremble and my knees quake. I am so in love with you the seconds we spend apart feel like little eternities stretching themselves into ropes around my neck until I can hardly breathe anymore. I am so in love with you the seconds we spend together pass so quickly I can barely get my grasp on them. I am so in love with you and I knew it when I saw my reflection at the end of the hall and I noticed I had a smile on my face. I am so in love with you I watch you when you sleep and the way your eyelids flutter and it makes my heart jump through my chest. I am so in love with you and the way your voice can calm even the wildest of storms in my mind. I am so in love with you and the way your hands always find their way back to me. I am so in love with you I want to erase every previous memory and rewire my brain to only see you. I am so in love with you that whenever I'm with you it's almost like you're under a spotlight and all of my other surroundings go blurry but you are in focus; you are always in focus. I am so in love with you that it makes me want to plan my wedding and buy a dress and walk down the aisle to you. I am so in love with you I want to care for you when your mother can't. I am so in love with you I call you sometimes just to listen to your breathing because it's a melody I could listen to for the rest of my life. I am so in love with you your laugh is a symphony that I want to give a standing ovation to until my legs can no longer stand the weight of all my love for you. I am so in love with you I want to spend my every waking minute with you. I am so in love with you it scares me what I would do for you. I am so in love with you I want to watch your lips make their way into a smile every minute of my life. I am so in love with you I want to buy you things and write you poems and scream it from a mountain top just so everyone knows. I am so in love with you I text you at 4:30 am just to tell you that you're on my mind, because there isn't a single millisecond of the day that you aren't taking up space in my brain. I am so in love with you I want to give you everything I have, and more. I am so in love with you I want everybody to know that I am your girl. I am so in love with you and the way you purse your lips right before you hit the baseball because it reminds me of how I prepared myself for you long before you came but when you finally did, it was faster and more powerful than I could have ever practiced for. I am so in love with you I would cross every ocean and spend the rest of my life walking to you if that meant I got to see you smile one last time. I am so in love with you I want to share my highs, lows, and in betweens with you. I am so in love with you at age 19 that it makes me feel woozy thinking about how in love with you I will be at age 72. I am so in love with you that I have memorized the curve of your back and your stubble on your face like it is braille and I can read you all day long. I am so in love with you I crave your kiss like it is water and I have been stuck in a desert for my entire life. I am so in love with you in the most pure form. I am so in love with you, I never want to feel anything else.



Friday, January 2, 2015

2015

Happy new year everyone!!! :) 

This year is gonna be your year.

You're gonna get better this year.

You have 365 days to turn your life around.

Start today.

You're going to do things this year you didn't even think possible.

You're gonna surprise yourself.

Today is page 1 out of 365.

Make sure your book is worth reading this year.

2014

2014 was probably the most stressful year of my life. It included making my college decision, a break up, losing friends, leaving a sport behind I had played since I was 9, having an eye opening experience, graduating high school and leaving behind the school I went to my entire life, switching colleges at last minute, rushing, picking a sorority, meeting new people, getting into a new relationship, moving, dropping classes and other things. I'm a creature of habit so at times, this year was too much for me to handle. So many changes were made and so many things went wrong that I didn't think I could keep up. 

I remember the specific moment in 2014 when I realized I had learned to trust God. I had just gotten some devastating news that caused me to change my college decision. Being the sweet woman my mom is, she started trying to comfort me and talk me through it. After a while, she asked me my thoughts on. All I said was "God provides" and walked off. My voice seemed unfamiliar and I remember being surprised that those words came out of my mouth, but man I was right. And God showed me that the remainder of 2014.

Every single thing that went wrong in 2014 ended up being a positive for me. Every. Single. Thing. And it's incredible to me that 2014 was the year I rededicated myself to Christ and decided to let him take control of my life.

I know this post is rather short, but I felt it was only necessary to reflect on the past year of my life and how amazing God was to me. Soli Deo Gloria!