Friday, January 9, 2015

Why I refuse to believe my view of love is unrealistic

I was recently in a discussion where I was branded a "hopeless romantic" and "unrealistic" once I shared my views on love. Although I am only 19 and know I am young and similarly have much to learn about this world, I think I have a pretty good understanding of what love is, and what it is not. I've experienced love, and am currently in love. I've seen love fall apart and I've seen love blossom right before my eyes. I've been around the ring once or twice. I made a couple of claims during the conversation saying things such as:
I will never get a divorce
I will wake up loving my significant other more each day
I will be so in love with my spouse that our kids will be disgusted
After I made these claims, demeaning laughter is all that I heard. I was quickly told that love isn't like that, and that the honeymoon phase does, in fact, wear off. I was told I was hit a harsh reality once I got married. I was told that my idea of love was highly unrealistic, and that it looks different in the "real world". So tell me, what is the real world? Because last time I checked, it was what I'm living in. I'm not living in a world of flowers and daisies, like I was accused of. I am realistic, but I am hopeful. I know what the real world is like.

So what about some of the greatest love stories? I brought up John and Yoko. A quote by John:
“But I can be alone without Yoko, but I just have no wish to be. There’s no reason on earth why I should be alone without Yoko. There’s nothing more important than our relationship, nothing. And we dig being together all the time. Both of us could survive apart but what for? I’m not going to sacrifice love, real love for any whore or any friend or any business, because in the end you’re alone at night and neither of us want to be. And you can’t fill a bed with groupies. It doesn’t work. I don’t want to be a swinger. I’ve been through it all and nothing works better than to have someone you love hold you.”

Or what about Johnny and Wiyona?
“I’d die for her. I love her so much. I don’t know what i would do without her. She’s going through a lot right now. I wish I could just kiss away the pain, make it go away, stop it, kill it! If she, you know, (gets teary eyed) I don’t know what I would do. I’d kill myself. I love that girl. I love her. I love her almost more than I love myself”

Or what about the great classics? Pure, passionate, unending, forgiving, perfect love does exist. And just because it's become more rare with time, does not synonymously make it impossible.

I'm not arguing that divorce rates have gone up substancially in the past half decade. I'm not naive and realize that along with our fallen culture, relationships have fallen also. I am arguing that I will not be another statistic.

Despite what adults have told me about marriage and the constant jokes of how hard marriage is, I maintain in my belief that love can be as great as we want it to be. We just have to want it.

I will love my husband more with every breath that I take. We will fight- sometimes nonstop for weeks. That doesn't mean I can't love him more every second? I will do whatever it takes to make him happy, even though I will fail. I will never stop trying. I will make him breakfast and mother his kids and travel the world with him. I will refuse to let the honeymoon phase wear off. I will do every single thing in my power to make our love fresh and nurtured every day. 

I recently read a blog that portrayed my feelings perfectly. (For the full blog, go to It states:
"We should never settle for someone who could walk away and not turn back. We should never settle for someone who doesn’t recognize what he is holding when embracing our hands or someone who doesn’t remind us every day of how much we mean to him. What you truly deserve, well, is everything. What you deserve is someone missing you the moment you walk out the door, even if you’ll only be gone a moment. You deserve someone who may not believe in fairytales, but who treats you like a princess simply because that’s what you are to him. You deserve someone who will challenge you instead of just giving in. Someone who will share his honest thoughts with you because you’re going to share your honest lives together; yet, someone who knows how to forgive and to be happy instead of right. You deserve that epic passion that “50 Shades of Grey” doesn’t even cover: a spark that never goes dim, eyes that only turn to you and the need to feel your touch whenever you’re around. You deserve a passion that awakens your inner being and intertwines your hearts into one. You deserve to always feel wanted, to never doubt for a moment how your significant other feels about you. You deserve to never waver for a second that the future consists of you together, both looking forward. You deserve the safety that encompasses you like a wave, sometimes in a swell, but forever coasting. You deserve every birthday remembered and every holiday embraced. You deserve effort behind any gift, even if it’s a flower picked up from the sidewalk on the way home. You deserve a thought behind every word, especially when saying goodbye. You deserve letters, notes and Post-Its that remind you how special you are to him on any given day. You deserve to be held with tenderness. You deserve that earth-shattering kiss; the one that you need to stay alive and the one that is your sole nourishment for survival.It breaks all bounds and you lose yourself in it every time. Your mind can’t find the difference between present, past and future because in that moment, time does not exist. You’re adrift between the taste of love and the feeling of forever. You deserve to be introduced to friends as if you were the rarest thing on earth. You deserve to be brought into a room with pride in hand that he is so blessed to be standing beside you. You deserve someone who would always choose the seat next to you and would never need to brag about how lucky he is because anyone could see it clearly in his face when he looks at you. You deserve something that isn’t easy; a love that is hard, but you tough it out together. You learn through your battles and you start to fight them together. You stand your ground, but you stand beside each other doing so. You deserve to be tested in your limits because it’s at the edge where you discover the greatest faith. You deserve a true and epic love, nothing short of the above. You deserve to be someone’s dream come true, never someone’s afterthought. You deserve to walk on air and walk on fire at the same time because the very best things in life are not easy."

I once heard the saying, “Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love shouldn't be one of them.” And I agree 100%. I think the problem today is that people think love isn't relative, and I'm here to tell you it is. Love is different for everyone, and different every time. You can love, and be in love, with multiple different people in your life. But I do strongly believe there is one person on this earth for you. And I think that might be the issue today. Far too many people are settling for the first love they experience. Which is why, after time, things fall apart. Because the person was never meant for them in the first place- they just thought they were. There are many types of love. And every type is beautiful in it's own way. 

Wait for the love that takes your breath away every day, even when they are standing in the doorway, leaning on a walker, with wrinkles covering their face. Wait for the love that makes you laugh even when you're on a stretcher with broken bones. Wait for the love that is your sense of comfort when your whole world is falling apart. Wait for the love that never makes fun of you, or demeans you, or bails on you, or breaks your heart, or rejects your calls. Wait for the love that can't get enough of you. Wait for the love that thinks you are God's greatest creation. Wait for the love that knows all of your food orders by heart, and doesn't judge you when you get the extra large cup of queso. Wait for the love that will not be diminished by time or distance. Wait for the love that you cannot live without, because that's how it's supposed to be.

I've seen grandparents look at each other like nothing else existed. I've seen parents make out in front of their kids. I've seen 13 year olds hold hands for hours, despite how much their palms are sweating. Love is relative. Love is different for every person. So don't you dare tell me that I won't have the love I want. I refuse to believe it. 

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