Tuesday, September 29, 2015

s t i l l n e s s // the calm before the storm

so... i've gotta feeling. and no i'm not talking about that cheesy black eyed peas song. i'm talking about a real, genuine feeling about this life that i live.

do you ever have that hunch that whatever situation you're in is preparing you for something bigger? it's almost unexplainable; like the calm before the storm. not when the rain is pouring down and thunder is rolling throughout the sky, seconds before it. when suddenly the air seems different- it seems still. the trees are swaying, and you watch the sky change it's hue into vibrant colors of violet or red or purple or dark blue. all of the animals seem to be tucked into their nests. there's no music or talking or distractions. for once, the earth seems calm. almost too calm. and then seconds later, a storm rolls in and changes everything. it's kind of like an eery sensation that what i'm experiencing right now is coming to an end soon.

now that might seem morbid, but i promise it's not. i'm learning to embrace this season of my life. i'm learning to embrace this growing season. to embrace quietness, embrace serenity, embrace stillness. oh so often in growing seasons, humans search for a hobby or a meaning or a higher reason to point their feelings towards. but hear me out- what if we didn't? what if we learned to bask in the goodness of the Lord-without questions? what if we learned to be still and know that God is Lord? what if we stopped being so self obsessed that we set our gaze to higher things than job promotions, or good grades or accomplishments?

i'm not saying any or all of the things above are bad, they are all very good things. however, we define ourselves with them. we're never happy because we're always waiting for the next step. so therefore when life seems to be at a standstill, like mine is now, we too often get frustrated.

i've been frustrated for a while now and i've even expressed my thoughts on this blog about how i wanted my life to speed up. and i'm not talking about hour to hour, day to day, because balancing school, relationships, a sorority, a job, and all of the earthly things my heart craves is well enough for me. i'm talking about this season of life for me. nothing huge is happening. i feel still, and i want to fix it. but recently God has shown me how good it is to be still. to simply live. to taste and see that the He is good.

i have a feeling about my life. i have a feeling it will transform before my eyes into something i never once expected. i have a feeling this blog is apart of my calling. just the other day, i was in my hometown, memphis, for the weekend. i was enjoying a quiet lunch with my family when i got noticed in public for the first time from my blog. (SHOUTOUT TO ALYSSA- YOU ROCK.) i had a girl come up to me and know my name and face, and tell me that she was a huge fan of my writings on my blog. i had never met this girl before, or heard of her, but she knew me and read some of the deepest parts of my soul and connected with it. enough to start her own blog. and how awesome is that? now many people will look at that story and think it's a silly coincidence that one of the people that read my blogs recognized me. but it was the first time in my life that someone has sought me out, in person, and thanked me for my writings. and let me tell you, it was a great feeling. it was a feeling i want to feel for the rest of my life.

all of this to say, i have a feeling that God will work in me in whatever way he chooses and that it will be better than any plan i could create for myself. i have a feeling i need to embrace the quietness, because i know firsthand how out of control life can get. i have a feeling that being still isn't a bad thing.

song inspiration for this blog:
sidewalk prophets -- help me find it

"if there’s a road i should walk
help me find it
if i need to be still
give me peace for the moment
whatever Your will
whatever Your will
can you help me find it
can you help me find it"

i've had numerous people message me and tell me how my blog affects them and enlightens them and almost half of them start something like this:
"hey you don't know me so sorry if this is weird" or
"mallory this is gonna sound so creepy" or
"hi so this might be strange"
if people only knew the happiness that fills my heart when i get feedback on my blog. i choose to share my deepest thoughts with you guys in hopes that someone, somewhere on this earth will connect to it. or be changed by it. or encouraged by it. if i didn't have any desire for helping others through my writings, i would write it all in a journal and keep it tucked away underneath my bed. thank you all to the sweet souls that have taken time to message me and let me know how my blog has reached them. i have all of my contact info listed below in my bio and love hearing from each and every one of you guys. if any of you has an idea for a blog post/has something you'd like to see me write on, feel free to let me know!
also thank you all for sticking with me through my months of absence from blogging! there's no big or secret reason on why i took a break, i just simply didn't have many things running through my mind to write about. beginnings of school years are always busy and this year was no exception. however, i've been jotting down some ideas and have new material coming your way soon! thank you again, each and every one of you, for reading my words. it means the world to me and more.

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