it's 12:27 right now and i'm sitting in bed crying. i'm a rather emotional person, so my emotions are things i have learned to allow myself to express. i cry when i'm happy and i cry when i'm sad and i cry when people yell at me and i cry when i'm stressed out and i cry at romantic movies and i cry when people say nice things to me. i cry, a lot. but i'm crying tonight for a reason other than i've ever cried before. tears are strolling down my face as i write this because of the state of the world i live in.
tears are strolling down my face tonight because i tried to watch "wolf of wall street".
"wolf of wall street" is a movie notorious for the crazy life style of a stock broker. i knew this when it came out a couple of years ago and promised i would never watch it. nearly everyone i knew that was my age had seen it and loved it. "it's hilarious" "i want to be just like him" "it's my favorite movie" were all real things i had heard come out of the mouths of others. i didn't have anything to do tonight so i decided to see what all the hype was about. i didn't think it could be that bad. i mean, all i had heard was good things about it.
i didn't hear about the domestic abuse in it. i didn't hear that within the first 5 minutes i would see 3 naked women portrayed as prostitutes. i didn't hear that drugs were in every scene. i didn't hear that strippers made appearances more times than i can count. i didn't hear about the absolutely terrible content. i made it through a full hour before bursting into tears. and this might not make sense to others and it doesn't fully make sense to me, but i'm writing about it. (that's what blogs are for, right?)
now, i am a normal almost 20 year old and have been exposed one way or the other to all the things above. nothing in the movie was new or shocking to me. but the almost 3 hour long movie, strung together, by sin after sin made me feel physically ill. i felt dirty and sinful and ashamed to the point of tears. i've never actually felt that before. and it makes me so incredibly sad that people that i know can like this garbage. even parts of the movie. maybe even a scene. because this movie is the absolute worst thing i have ever seen. i had never watched something before that made me want to physically scrub my skin to cleanse myself. that made me immediately have to put on my christian pandora station to calm my soul back down. it just makes me so sad.
it makes me so terrified to have kids of my own. if i think that is bad, i can't even imagine what it will be like for my (god-willing) kids growing up. it makes me not want to bring another child into this world because corruption is inevitable, and so so easy nowadays. this movie got great ratings and stats and reviews and i just want to go into each person's brain that saw this and hand pick every memory of the film and erase it. i don't want one person on god's green earth wasting their time watching this filth. i can't even accurately explain how terrible this movie is and i would say you would have to see it to understand, but i beg of you, if you haven't already, to refrain from seeing it.
as i admitted earlier, my emotions sometimes get the best of me and i'm ok with that. i don't know exactly why i'm crying. i think i'm crying because it makes me so upset that young people can think this is what is "cool". i don't know if i'm a weirdo or a freak for being so affected by this film (and i know it is my fault for watching it) but it just makes me want to claw at my own skin thinking of the people i love most in this world watching this movie and learning from it.
this movie is the most false version of reality i have ever seen. i wish people would find the bible as interesting as they do drugs. or sex. or porn. or domestic violence. or strip clubs. or money. or people. this post doesn't have a motivational point or anything like that and i don't know how to end it. writing is my therapy and so that's what i did. i'm sad tonight because i read scripture about how the world should be, and then i look around and see the total opposite. i don't know if this makes any sense and i don't feel like editing it to make sense so i'm going to post this to make myself feel better.
Monday, July 27, 2015
"Because there is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."
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